Why People Don’t Believe The Facts

There are beliefs buried deep in our subconscious that we don’t even know exist, yet they steer our actions. Our evolutionary instincts have left us blind to this behavior. For example the degree to which we align with and commit ourselves to a group or cause is the degree to which we see only what they are seeing. I don’t really think we need to be told this however, we always think it the “others” who see only what they want. Like it or not it is us too. We don’t mean to, it’s not like we see the opposing facts and decide to ignore them, rather our brain only let’s us see what is “best” for us. This is why the Middle East will never have peace and republicans and democrats will never understand how the opposing party can “see it “ that way. Evolution has taught us that staying with “our group” is the best way to stay safe. Repeated studies have shown that we humans see only what we want to see, and hear only what we want to hear. This is why lawyers pick a jury according to what beliefs they hold, because they know they can sway them. The facts don’t matter. A really good point to remember next time you are in argument. No one is immune to this. Hold your opinions lightly. As far as evolution is concerned, being objective and making our own decisions often is not in our best interest, so the brain always steers us toward going along with “our” crowd. Only an extremely self-aware person who has no ego will have a shot to evaluate something from a purely objective stance, regardless of what others think.

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YOU CAN THANK THE AMYGDALA FOR THE RIOTS IN BALTIMORE

Like a gladiator jumping over a wall into the middle of a battle, that uneducated, ancient part of your brain has the final say regarding what you need to do to survive. Simply trying to think your way out of a panic will not help. Once the amygdala releases those fight-or-flight hormones into your system, it is all systems go! Have you ever tried telling someone who was yelling to calm down? A lot of good that did, right?

How long does it take for your amygdala to have your head spinning? Less than a second. For my women readers of a certain age, if you have ever had hot flashes, you can verify that they seem to come out of nowhere, very quickly, without provocation. Actually, hot flashes are due to a thought that just triggered a fear or concern, and it happens even when you are sleeping. You never noticed it because even a small concern causes your amygdala to react. While these chemicals are in play, you will feel very justified as you yell or have a tantrum, but when they dissipate, you wonder, “Why did I react like that and get upset over something so trivial?” You did it because your brain thought your life was in danger, and in the blink of an eye, you reacted instinctively.

In a social context, people with similar fears and frustrations will feel validated as they join together in groups, gangs, or cults. When the dreaded “group mentality” kicks in, a dangerous momentum can take place. 

  Your brain likes to be in agreement with others because staying with the crowd thousands of years ago gave you protection. Have you noticed that when you have a disagreement with someone, each of you is in defense mode? Your brain reacts as though the physical you—and not just your opinion—are in danger! 

In this context, people may even join gangs or other groups with which they have very little in common other than their outrage, yet that one common factor can result in them taking violent political positions or engaging in all out war. All of the violence in the world can be traced back to an amygdala that screams, “Kill or be killed!” 

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Why Are They Rioting in Baltimore?

There are special neurons, which reside in various parts of our brain, called mirror neurons. They are there so we can learn to mimic others’ of actions and read their emotions. How they do this is when we watch other human do things, these mirror neurons fire exactly as if we were doing the same action. This is a big part of the reason we feel that we should behave the way others do in emotional moments. And this is exactly why we have mobs of people tearing up Baltimore. There is no reason or rationale at this point. They are in a frenzy in which their brains are telling them that to follow what the mob is doing will be better for their survival. It is why crowds trample people at the opening of holiday shopping. The behavior is completely instinctual. Only a very aware person can catch and step away for this kind of emotion.

Mirror neurons are behind our love of watching movies or TV shows and reading a juicy novel. It is why we can get lost in them as the same emotions well up in us, along with the corresponding neurochemicals: dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin. This is also the enjoyment behind watching sports. Our brains are firing as if we were running down the field, all the while triggering our dopamine. If there is painful contact with one of the players, everyone says, “Ohhh,” as if we somehow feel it. 
If you have ever wondered if someone you know is a sociopath then try this test. Yawn in front of them and see if they follow with a yawn.

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The Science Behind Worry & Stress

For thousands of years, our amygdala functioned very well at keeping us alive in the wild by sending waves of these stress hormones such as adrenaline, cortisol, and epinephrine through our bodies as soon as we saw a lion in  the  bushes  or  a dangerous snake. It did that so we would do one thing… run like hell. Not worry, evaluate, or analyze it. 

Back then, people’s lives were in constant jeopardy, either from physical harm or from becoming a social outcast. Ten thousand years ago, if a woman’s mate seemed unhappy with her, the woman’s alarm bells would scream because if the man left, her family would have no food or protection and her offspring would die. The same happened when people were shunned by the other members of their tribe, causing them to become outcasts. That was a death sentence within hours. So it was not only the lion in the bushes but also the treatment they received from their inner social circle that meant life or death. 

Now here you are today with a brain that is still interpreting any problem as a life-threatening situation! Your superior annoyed with you, a fight with your spouse, car trouble making you late for a meeting, or your in-laws coming for a two-week stay—all of these are often interpreted as life threatening as far as this little amygdala is concerned. It focuses on what will kill you—not on what keeps you happy—and therefore, so do you.

Excerpt from “Why We Are Wired to Worry and How Neuroscience Will Help You Fix It Stop Stressing, Reduce Anxiety, Feel Happy Finally!”

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Do You Over React or Get Upset Easily— It Could be Your Childhood

If you had a particularly difficult childhood, your amygdala will be even more primed to overreaction, and studies have shown that you will tend to have a larger amygdala and be more tightly connected. Your emotions will be more dramatic and quicker to react, and your thoughts over concerns can be like a needle stuck on a scratch. You will replay an insult or argument in your mind sometimes for days, thousands of times, embedding that hurt in your brain over and over. Often people resort to drugs or alcohol to get it to stop. But now, there is help. Excerpt from “Why We Are Wired to Worry and How Neuroscience Will Help You Fix It Stop Stressing, Reduce Anxiety, Feel Happy Finally!”

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How Do You See Your Life?

Understand this fact: it is your perspective that will determine if something is good or bad. “It’s never the problem; the issue is how you SEE the problem”. Your happiness will be a result of choices you make to see the world a certain way. And we make those choices within every second. This is why so many studies repeatedly prove that 90 percent of our problems stem from how we see things. The philosophical question “Is the glass half full or half empty?” Does not do justice to the power of perspective. The simple truth is that events happen—what makes them bad or good is simply what you decide to think or believe about them. 

Excerpt from “Why We Are Wired to Worry and How Neuroscience Will Help You Fix It Stop Stressing, Reduce Anxiety, Feel Happy Finally!”

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What Does Science Say Makes People Happy

Myth Two: Money Will Make me Happy : Many of us believe money would solve most of our problems. We all have the dream of hitting the lottery and having our money problems disappear, assuming that will make us happier. However, a very well known study was done to find out how true that was for people. What they found was that those who won the lottery described themselves as being “less happy or as happy” six months later than they were before they won. They then researched people who were left paralyzed after an accident. Many of those people were actually as happy if not happier than they had been the day before their accident. How could that possibly be? Because our situations do not determine our happiness. Your amygdala will look for problems regardless of how much money you have. Lottery winners are still obsessed over every problem, real or feared. However, the paraplegic, on the other hand, has now found appreciation/gratitude in the small successes of even mundane tasks that you and I take for granted, from putting on shoes to holding a fork or feeding himself. Remember, people get a serotonin hit every time they feel they have accomplished any kind of task, and in this case the paraplegics are very grateful for what they can do. Of course they would prefer to be able to walk, but that does not affect their mood to the extent that one might expect.

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All You Need Is Your Mind’s Permission to Feel Good About Your Life!

Why is your brain perfectly capable of making you feel that blissful while you are sleeping? Because you couldn’t argue with it; that critical judge was asleep! Now you need to learn to do this when you are awake. Here is a cornerstone truth: your brain does not need a reason to be happy; it needs only your mind’s permission to do so! Every day a smile, a compliment, or a hug has the power to release waves of comforting dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin, but we say “Now is not the time!” And go on punishing ourselves, believing that somehow, being stressed out will give us an advantage in figuring out our problems. This is a lie hardwired into the brain!

The truth is something as simple as a compliment holds the most promise for making you feel great. But we humans have to to teach our brains HOW to get the most out of it so it alters our chemistry. Mark Twain knew this power; he once said, “I can live two months on a good compliment.

Tomorrow we will cover the myths we believe that will make us happy.

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Freaking out Does not Fix Anything— Although you brain thinks it will

Your amygdala, the little almond shaped area in your brain responsible for triggering your emotional reactions among other things is far from forgetful, and it loves the sound of sirens in the night. Feeling the effects of cortisol each time you remember the problem convinces you that you should keep ranting; surely the offenders will show up any minute now to admit they were wrong and you were right!

The next stage is to support this ingrained insane behavior, by contriving elaborate reasons to justify our ranting, worrying, panic and the resulting stress. Like the parent who stares at her child kicking and screaming on the floor, so does life observe us, grown children, throwing tantrums because some aspect of life did not go as we expected—as if that will change anything! Everyone has his or her own brew of defensive reactions, from worrying, yelling, and crying to overworking, drinking, sleeping, and complaining to anyone who will listen. I hope you realize these behaviors/tantrums are full of empty promises and examine these hardwired misguided reactions more objectively. Once you see this lie exposed—that getting upset will somehow help you—your behavior will begin to change. Where exactly in the framework of your brain is this choice to react differently? Well your powerful subconscious always has a host of options available, but the trick is getting that info up to your thinking, conscious brain to make use of it. 

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#fear #Stopworrying #tantrums

Do You Fear Life Wants To Hurl More Problems at You?

Do You Fear Life Wants To Hurl More Problems at You?

I remember waiting in line behind a mom and her two-year-old little boy. He had big blue eyes and seemed to be studying me. I gave him a warm smile, and he responded with an ear-to-ear grin…then he flipped me the bird! After the initial shock, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. At two years old, he meant nothing by it other than to make his mom crazy and complete strangers laugh. Now, we all know that laughing is the worst thing you can do. His mom seemed to know instinctively what he had done, and although she was furious with him, he seemed more interested in me (I was now trying to hold back the laughter). I guess he was willing to forgo some oxytocin bonding with his mom for this dose of serotonin and oxytocin he was getting from me. I had inadvertently encouraged this outrageous behavior and had to apologize to his mother for not helping her. Laughing was like putting my stamp of approval on her child’s behavior. It made me wonder if that perspective haunts us a bit when we try to take life’s antics lightly. I realized after I thought about it, that I feared my lack of outrage over my troubles could encourage more of them to show up. Dumb, I know, life isn’t watching, going, “Oh, really, you think that is funny?” As it hurls more problems at you. In fact, it’s the opposite. Letting go of your frustration will alter your energy field so that fewer problems show up. 

Everyone has his or her own brew of defensive reactions, from worrying, yelling, and crying to overworking, drinking, sleeping, and complaining to anyone who will listen. I hope you realize these behaviors/tantrums are full of empty promises and examine these hardwired misguided reactions more objectively. Once you see this lie exposed—that getting upset will somehow help you—your behavior will begin to change.

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Are You or Someone You Love Addicted to DRAMA?

We human beings are just like addicts, making decisions from one moment to the next based on 2 questions: What will give me the greatest amount of pleasure right now or the least amount of discomfort? Every situation—physical, emotional, or social—is fueled, directed, and regulated by the drug effect we are seeking from the brain’s own chemical pharmacy, and this pharmacy is open twenty-four hours a day! The timely release of the “feel good”  chemicals in the brain underpins a healthy emotional balance. 

To begin gaining control over our negative bias and redirect it toward the positive, we must understand that we humans like to make sense of our behavior. And sometimes at any cost. So for thousands of years, we have dreamed up some good reasons behind our overwhelming obsession to worry and stress out. These so-called good reasons can stand in our way until we see them for the illusions they are.

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Why Do You Do and Say Things Your Shouldn't??

There are many of these chemical messengers but today you are going to learn about the three that drive almost every decision you make! These brain chemicals are the “WHY” behind all of your behaviors, the drive behind what you call instincts and base desires. They drive almost every decision you make!

Consider these brain chemicals like a light switch in a room. Different rooms control different moods. (I know you have a lot more than three moods; I am referring to three categories of mood.) When you feel a certain way, you will be able walk down the hall and see which light went out (brain chemical) in what room—and then you will know what to do to get it turned back on.

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Dopamine = Drive Which One Are You?

Dopamine = Drive 

This is your “high” octane. It is the chemical that causes you to chase a thrill and feel excitement. It is there to tell you, “Yeah, yeah, do that; you’re gonna love this!” Dopamine is released when an anticipated reward is due, causing you to chase what your brain thinks is good for your survival. 

The profile of a person driven by dopamine varies because our life experiences mold these urges and drives, See if you can relate to any of these behaviors: A person might seek out challenges or a quest. They are willing to push themselves to achieve goals because their brains give them a hit of dopamine from just the thought of reaching one. 

Serotonin =Status 

Serotonin is our “well-being” drug. It is present when we look at a sunset and feel total contentment. Serotonin evolved to tell us that our needs have been met, that we are safe and secure. It is released when we eat a good meal, are highly praised, or accomplish a task. Serotonin gets released anytime  we are considered better than others.

When lacking serotonin, you may feel obsolete, unimportant, empty, and (in severe cases) depressed. If you find that you are worrying about possible future events or that you are feeling vulnerable, you need serotonin.

Oxytocin = Being loved. 

Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle hormone”. This neurochemical is responsible for bonding a mother with her newborn after giving birth. It is also released after sex and during cuddling, nursing, or a nurturing moment with a loved one. When people hold hands with someone or feel included in a group, oxytocin rewards them so they continue to stay close to others. 

Therapy Dogs have become popular in hospitals and nursing homes because any patient engaging with the dog will have a spike in oxytocin, not only helping the person feel better both physically and emotionally but actually aiding in the healing process.

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Is Your Misery Your Security Blanket?

From “Why We are Wired To Worry”

When we are unhappy we cling to our frustration/anger/misery in the way that children cling to their security blanket. Doing so validates our years of pain, complaining and believing that life won’t cut us a break. Feelings are to thoughts what water is to a flame. We can’t talk our way out of emotional pain; we have to feel our way out. You can’t be happy. Happy is not something you become. You have to feel happy. Until you understand some concepts your reality is distorted, meaning two things. You think you do see all the good and it pales in comparison to your problems or you don’t think you have much good around you. Trust me both are wrong.

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Do You Hate Conflict?

Your brain likes to be in agreement with others because staying with the crowd thousands of years ago gave you protection. Have you noticed that when you have a disagreement with someone, each of you is in defense mode? Your brain reacts as though the physical you—and not just your opinion—are in danger! 

http://www.amazon.com/Wired-Worry-Neuroscience-Will-Help/dp/1508616272/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427747166&sr=1-1&keywords=Why+Wired+Worry

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Throwing Tantrums? Blame Your Amygdala

Excerpt from New Book

The human brain doesn’t know that the coworker who gets snippy with us isn’t life threatening. It senses a violation and sounds the alarm so that we come out swinging. Just knowing that we won’t die from a dirty look is not enough to stop the alarm bell from telling us to prepare to pounce.

Like a gladiator jumping over a wall into the middle of a battle, that uneducated, ancient part of your brain has the final say regarding what you need to do to survive. Simply trying to think your way out of a panic will not help. Once the amygdala releases those fight-or-flight hormones into your system, it is all systems go! Have you ever tried telling someone who was yelling to calm down? A lot of good that did, right?

http://www.amazon.com/Wired-Worry-Neuroscience-Will-Help/dp/1508616272/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427747166&sr=1-1&keywords=Why+Wired+Worry

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Your Panic Button ———— Excerpt from New Book

The amygdala is no bigger than your fingernail, but it is the hub or control center for your emotions and determines what emotions to trigger, from elation to temper tantrums and worrying yourself sick. It is the switch for FIGHT or FLIGHT.

This personal warning system alerts you to problems real or imagined by making you feel horrible, by triggering stress-related hormones, such as cortisol (a hormone that, in excess is bad for your heart but good for adding belly fat—YUK!) and adrenaline. These hormones’ job is to bring you to a heightened state of UH-OH or OH CRAP! Along with sensations of muscle tension, anxiousness, sweaty palms, heavy breathing, and rapid heartbeat. That is your brain’s way of telling you to STOP, doing whatever it is you are doing!

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We Create Our Own Misery

Excerpt from New Book

One hundred percent of all your misery or lack of joy and happiness is due to your brain’s five basic fears. These control 90 percent of your brain’s thoughts; loss of love, money, status, health, and security. Did you catch the key word here? Fear, an extreme emotion over what might happen! We live in fear of losing any of these five things even when we have an ample supply of them. 

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Excerpt from New Book

Our misery starts with a false belief that our natural emotional state is supposed to be one of happiness, with happiness defined as a sense of well-being and contentment. Most of us believe that if all of life’s problems just left us alone, we would be happy. We believe it is only because we are disrupted by the everyday pressures of life that we are stressed out. Therefore, we spend most of our time trying to fix the “next thing” in an effort to find some peace. When we believe this, we could not be more mistaken. Science has now revealed that it is the opposite. Being happy is not our default state of mind! 

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FREE KINDLE BOOK TO STOP YOU FROM STRESSING!

Excerpt from Intro of New Book

I have read my share of self-help books, and, although motivating and insightful, most tell you only what you do wrong and why but not what you should do differently or how to do so, in detailed steps. But practiced only a few minutes per day, you will learn tangible, measurable steps that can change your life, and that is what sets this book apart. Step by step, thought by thought, and belief by belief, I will take you deeper into your thinking and behavior so that you can truly understand for the first time what is driving your actions. 

http://www.amazon.com/Wired-Worry-Neuroscience-Will-Help/dp/1508616272/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427747166&sr=1-1&keywords=Why+Wired+Worry

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